Anyone looking for a part time job?

Bukkake.

Conversation:

me: nothing to say to that....really?!?!?!?!?!
Friend: hahahahahahahhahaha
wtf?
hilarious
hadn't read it until just now
me: Popping!
hahaha
i love that you don't get paid if you are late cumming
Friend: how on earth did you stumble onto that?
looking for part-time work, is she?
me: i have my ways
hahahaha

And what exactly is "proof of the pop" being handed over????

Oh Brother....

My brother felt the urge to send me this.

me: um why?
i ask
why?
Brother: why would someone do that?
I don't know.
because they're crazy.
why did I send it to you?
because I'm evil.
me: but why were you looking it up?
Brother: it was on reddit.
me: oh thank god.

Thanks Brother!

Friend said she was stressin'

so I sent her this.


Conversation after she watches the video...

Friend: you've changed my life. i'm going to go masturbate with cheese now
me: hahahaha
sweet!
pee on children!
wear sweatpants in public!!!!

You can end the world yourself!

What an appropriate game for a blog named after the world ending!!

Let me know what you name your disease!!!!

The aroma of alcohol on your breath is apparent...

Dear Hot Mess,

An anonymous visitor stopped by NiceCritic.com and selected the following message for you:

The aroma of alcohol on your breath is apparent.

Thanks "friend" for letting me know about this issue...oh and taking over my inbox with items like "It seems like your thong is showing" or "You have a noticeable post-bathroom stain"....and having me mass email everyone I know accusing them!

Conversation 1:

Friend: have a liquid lunch today?

me: what?

no

why?

Friend: no reason...didn't know if you got any interesting emails today

me: you bitch!Friend: Please, i am a bastard

Conversation 2:

Friend: In your quest to get to the bottom of this you may have unleashed something much much worse.

You may want to get that looked at...

little birdy.

Should I respond...

to this?

Friend: lol
ummmm . . . . . please don't respond
i don't want to see you tranny-napped
me: hahahaha
Friend: "the hot mess" story on dateline nbc

Update:
Another Friend: you should respond - and tell him to take you to bear happy hour

I Stole Your Purse.

People from Kansas City should not try to make it in New York...FAIL!

Apparently I am on a farm animal kick today...

Check out the iPig!

And this!

Thanks friend for sending me these!

Who thinks of doing this?

And where are they on display at???

Sheep.

Roommate: THAT.. is brilliant...

the phone thing

i think we should get one for our living room between that and the pigs we could have a "farm chic" thing going on

Agreed.

Why do they do this to the poor sheep?

(courtesy of sleepingbad on youtube)

me: hahaha

he just wanted friends

why did they run

Friend: i know...it's funny b/c you can almost hear him saying, guys, wait it's me, Hank, I just can't get this mask off